We won't sleep together?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
