If that was your dad, he is hot
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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