So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
