I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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