someone get that fucking seahorse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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