So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
they need to just BURY HIM!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
