hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
