I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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