I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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