when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
