I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
