I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
