Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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