Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
