This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
