we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
