I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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