as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
