I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
