end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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