At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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