so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
