it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
