Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
