you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
