Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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