Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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