I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
