imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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