What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
that is very illegal...i love you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
