She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
