i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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