No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
