Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
