I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
