I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
