it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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