Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
