no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
