I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
