You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So many bounce houses so little time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bring me that man meat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
