I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i out mim tonsoeep
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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