New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
