im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
