Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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