I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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