I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
