So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
