sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
