Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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