her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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