rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
