I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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